Realization No. 1017

You can't pout the world away. It JUST doesn't work.

Honestly,...

I've had a good life up until then
I've had bad and wonderful friends
What I got is what I needed
even when not in need
I want things but never will get the bag of courage to feed

I've loved
I've cried
I've bled
and everyday I die, but

THAT doesn't stop me from seeing
what i believe to be my reality

Facing myself is the hardest thing I can ever do
at least in this lifetime of i, me, mine

The internal conversations in my head
will never stop, so might as well make friends

The greatest teacher in life is ourself;
always unknown of the subject to teach, ad hocing our way through it
but in the end, having gone through something unique,
our life and no one elses

If you could create a movie to represent you, and you only had 5 mins to do it in, which perspective would you take on your life?

1st person
2nd
or third???

and why?

Sunday Horoscope

"Slow down the pace a bit today, Jennifer, and do some planning. There is a steady, grounded mood to the day that will help you bring your thoughts and your actions down to Earth. The wind may not be blowing in your sails as powerfully as you like, but you can actually use this to your advantage. The underlying reservation in people's attitudes and opinions will actually aid you quite a bit. Eliminate the fluff and concentrate on what is real."

Very interesting. *strokes chin*

Sometimes, I feel like when i am reading a horoscope that somehow im brainwashing myself to believe every word and fit it into my day somehow. I really like reading the scope when the day is drawing the curtains, just so i can then compare how accurate it was. These types of horoscopes pretty much focus on the idea of time. Either your day is going to be slow or its going to be quick paced, etc.

Oh yea...the above piccie is something I started to work on in Adobe Illustrator. Now, dont criticize too badly being as it was my first time messing around with tools and such. I think with some practice I could become rather good!

News of the new!!

I just added a lil video doo-hickey on the bottom right-hand side of my blog, so if you don't like the particular movie, well, tough nuggets!!

But, just to clue you in here, it is none other than the lovely Ms. Sarah McLachlan singing Sweet Surrender from her bestest album in the world, Surfacing. If you dig the tunes, i would highly suggest you listen to the rest of the album.

Back about, oh...7-8 years ago when I was in a bout of depression, I listened to this album religiously, along with Dave Matthews and Tori Amos. Trust me, if you are feeling depressed and listen to this, it just gets worse, but since Im a bit of a sadist, i liked the encouragement of my depression, just to push myself through it and understand it better.

Now, Im not so depressed and I have moments of thought about this times from the past. Seriously, music has a power that can help one to get through crap in their lives, at least in my case that was the ticket.

Alriiight. My eye lids are closing up shop for the night, so ta ta people and talk soon!

Sometimes...

I feel like when im not living my life
some other force is doing it for me
a life force, or whatever you will like to call it.

Ive been thinking about this concept lately; that maybe if you dont make your purpose then there is
a sort of automatic default built in that triggers at a certain point in your life.

I mean, it has been said by folks that if you dont do anything with your talents, that god will take them away. That might be the case for me in the next few years if I dont do something productive with what i got.

I got a few talents.

1. I can sing and have a unique voice and a golden ear for music.
2. I can sketch well and have my own distinct style
3. I can write like the wind at times and I have the ability to paint pictures
with my thoughts, ideas, and expression.

I always thinking that I am quick-witted(although logic often escapes me), have a semi-dry sense of humour, I am an emotional person(which gets the best of me alot of the times), and a good person, at least by my definition of good.

Im just an artsy person that wants to express myself in a unique way and make a difference in peoples lives; in a positive way. Like I was saying, I hesitate alot when it comes to delivering and dishing out ideas and then standing by them to water em daily.

I have the tendency to just do something quickly, get the pat on the back I want, and move on. When it comes to art, I like to sketch people's profiles and then let them have the picture for themselves, so when it comes to proof that I can do something, it is a matter of proving it in the now and thats all i really got. Maybe i should start making copies of things with a machine copier. Ive done that once with a friend Debbie.

MMmm..Chocolate!

This afternoon, I went to go see(along with Jassen and his little bro) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was a rather good movie, me thinks!!

There were only small periods of time in which I compared it to the original. The first instance was when they were first entering the candyland part of the factory and the second was when they left out the part on Fizzy lifting drinks.

Overall, it was a good film and one that I would like to see again, but not pay for, cuz im cheap like that!:-p

Ive had an alright day today. Any day that involves KFC is automatically labeled a GOOD day.:-)

THe only kind of exercise that i have had today was walking around near the cinema and getting foods and mini-mall shopping at a local Boots.

At the moment, I kinda feel like I am not thinking of anything in particular and lost in thought but not thinking....Its a strange period of the day. Write more lata!

And In Today's Horrorscope...

haha....really, its not that bad!

Here goes, in accordance to the starry god watchers below:

''There is a very heavy atmosphere around you that you might feel stifling, Jennifer. Situations are cropping up that are urging you to think on a practical level in regard to your emotions. You will find that things go much smoother if you slow down and think about a situation before you proceed. Make sure you have considered all the choices and what their effect will be on other people.''

Hahaha...well, i am one to jump and not really think through things sensibly, so that much is true. There was also a point in time yesterday where I got so low on myself and was trying my darndest to think on a practical level concerning what im doing with my life and how i was having issues creating a song, but anytime I find myself there(thinking), i start tearing up. Jassen then keep on saying to be patient about things and it will just naturally flow in like its suppose to.

I think I just need to address the issue that I have lots of thoughts and ideas to get out there, but I am holding in regrets and limitations, which leads myself to get easily frustrated cuz I hesitate in getting out the ideas that might be struggling to be known. My pensieve/jensieve is a start, though and Im glad there are people out there that take note. That's really special.

I think that any run-in with people, be it the internet or in physical contact, there is a reason behind the rhyme, so thanks people for the opportunity for me to ripple your pool in life and you mine.

Fact: Oscillations are the most common natural occurence. For a better visual interpretation, think of throwing a rock and what happens after you do this. THOSE are oscillations and they happen not only visually, but in sound as well. Cool fact.

Listening to 'Fix You' by Coldplay.

Been in a Coldplay mood the past few days.:-)

In a poem or song

there is always room to grow....

Painting the darkness
With the light
Learning what’s wrong
To make a right

Knowing that time
Isn’t always a friend
Growing with love
That will never end

You want to break from the world you know
And dive into the waters below
But don’t forget the ones above
It’s only fair in the many names of love

But the search for you
Is deeper than the blue
It’s only a matter of time
When you realize
The one thing you forgot
When packing on this conquest
Is that it is only for you
To build whom you think you are
To create
Because that’s just the way it is

God gave us options and choices
And that is what ultimately confuses us; being more of spirited nature, why
Must we waste time in worshiping another?
Another that wants us to create
And not to bait
In this pool of life
Wading for you to take a chance on the shores.

You want to break from the world you know
And dive into the waters below
But don’t forget the ones above
It’s only fair in the many names of love

Life of the uninteresting...

Here is your complimentary drops of thought.....sit down and take a breather...


Actually, I believe that life is interesting, even when its not interesting. What I mean by this is even the low times, they are there to help elevate the higher times, if that makes sense.

I have the tendency to ramble and bamble on and on and on...but I guess in a way, that is the point of a blog, to vent and rant,etc all the stuff in life that needs to be addressed, at least in your mind. I wonder alot about people that write books and more specifically, J.K. Rowling. I think that she places alot of importance on history and the way life is through her books. In a way, it is a bit matrix of her to say things that can be taken in many many different contexts. I think that is why her series of books are so universally accepted, which is good for her.

I think when religious people in the south, for example, try to protest the books(Harry Potter being the example here) in schools, they are contradicting there faith. I mean, if they are so devote in their practices, then why bother if the books exist in schools? I guess that maybe they dont have enough faith in their young and dont want the ability to sin right at their fingertips.

I think the main fear for them is that the book offers ideas that were thought to be seen in only one perspective and when it is placed in many and seen as universal, religious folks see that there are more choices for things for people to believe in.

Just an idea, i suppose.

Ohhhh man! How I loove looove looooved the GM Omega. I loved it cuz it was a sweet ride. i loved the grey seatbelts and there were alot of fun and gross memories about it. In the above pic, I am to the left and lil sis Nicole to the right. Aint she the sweetest?? Yeah, well....looks ARE deceiving(warning) :-p I think this was in either 1986 or 87.

Youth makes me think of spring, i think that is why its my favourite season next to autumn, that is. Rebirth and fresh smells. Bugs that dont so much bug cuz they are busy with nature. *inhales lilac* :-)

Coffee Addicts UNITE!!!

I swear. It is totally my grandmother's fault for hooking me on the bittersweet taste of coffee. When I was about 7 years old, I saw her making her morning coffee, one saturday morning, so i asked, "Grandma? Can i try some coffee?" She said. "Only if you don't tell you mother." Suuuuuure!! She then proceeded to put more sugar than coffee in my drink and then my mom wondered as she picked me up why I was bouncing off the walls. In tribute to my grandmama, to this day I still drink coffee!!(haha not really. its the addiction that speaks!)

Youthful Tidings

This is a picture of me when I think I turned 5 or 6. These days, I seem to lose track of days and such. things compressing into my nowadays memory. I loved the skake pads I was wearing, I had gotten adjustable shoe skates, which i thought was sooo cool. Do any of you remember those?? They made a crrrreak-snap noise when you adjusted them. Such a crispy, satisfying noise. :-p

Windswept Disaster

hahaha....yeah, the title has nothing really to do with anything unless I would like to compare that to the mini-freak tornado that happened in Birmingham!!

I wish I could have seen it! I went to university for 4 years to become a meteorologist(weather chick) but a little more than half way through my courses, i fell out of love with all the science, cuz i really fed off the wonderment of it all.

It is true, the more you learn the less you know....kinda a U2-ish quote, among other artists that try to get the same point across in different ways. For me, learning the science behind why storms happen, in accordance to physics and calculus, it just gridded too much of the beauty I first saw. I no longer found studying the weather in the light I once saw it and it made me sad.:-(<----cue sad face)

Funny. Synchronicity, as one of the other blogger friends mentioned in a post. U2 just came on the radio.:-p For example, i think of something and in a similar context it makes itself known.

I have more to discuss, like always, so ill be back in a few!;-)

Facing an Addiction

Help?

Heeeeelp?

Hmfftp.

Blogging is fun=addiction

I think I am an easily obsessive person when it comes to things. I think the obsession could prove to be a good thing, if productivity results. If not, its not necessarily a waste of time, unless you feel like putting yourself down because of it. I do see it as an incentive when people do respond to things I write. In a way, its like confirming my efforts been seen, be it either in a positive or negative light. 'Any news is good news', or so the adage proclaims!

Random Question

What is the push, the motivation for us to speak and to communicate?

For example: When I say "and the":

What is the push from one thought "and" to the next "the"??


WHERE does the will come from?
What fuels the transition?
Is it to survive?
Is it to prove our own existance?
Is it the atoms and molecules that cant stand still and eggs us on to continue in our conquest of evolution??

So, many questions sprout up from one question. I guess once you start thinking its hard to stop.

Sing it Mr. Martin!!

Here is a picture from the Crystal Palace Concert, London and yes, the above artist is none other than Chris Martin from Coldplay! It was a really good concert; this being the 4th time that I have seen the band since 2002. The first and second time that I saw them, it was at the UIC pavillion in Chicago, Illinois. I really enjoyed the first time that I saw them with my sister. Good first experience. The 2nd time in 2003 was with a Coldplay MB Boardie named Jenny, who is a really nice person, and we managed pretty much front row center and ended up meeting Chris after the show. The 3rd experience was at Glastonbury 2005, which as fireworks worthy and the fourth is the above picture. I do have to say that they are getting better at performing in front of audience. Yay!

MidAfternoon's Dream

As each day passes, I realize how necessary it is for me to have a "do-to" list.
If one does NOT exist, my day is a weavy, nondirectional cul-de-sac!!
~~~~(Bong<--*me*-->Bong)~~~~

So here is my do-to list:

1. Exercise(checkaroo)
2. Stretch(checkaroo)

*Dramatic pause* Listening to Virgin radio and there is a commercial about someone who is the type that needs
to make a list....bizarre. Things like that that happen only confirm what Im saying. I get that alot. Sometimes confirmation in things is sooner other times and later others.

But yea,

3. Write in new blog(that im quite enjoying)
4. Drink 2L of water!!
5. Watch a movie or play video games
6. Write ideas for song
7. Work on Logic Express(for muuuusic)
8. Respond to my boo via msn messenger as he patiently waits for a response.(check)

And Today's Horoscope...

You are on top of the world today, Jennifer. Enjoy the view! You are unstoppable, and friends and family alike revel in your good mood. You are generous both materially and spiritually, and by day's end people may be lined up to partake in the bounty. Try to curb your enthusiasm a bit and use some discretion. It would be better to give more to a worthy few rather than to give less to many. You know what we mean.

I have been more positive as of recent, so this plays into the deck of cards im carrying.

So, yeah, about that dream...its starting to slip from my memory now, but i will try my darndest to remember it throughout the day...Usually, the best time to remember ones dream is when you first wake up-OR- when you are heading for bed at night. So, I will try.

Ive eaten 2 Krispy Kremes and they are still calling my name from the snack drawer in the bedroom. BAD SNACK DRAWER!! BAD!! Maybe I should go introduce myself to the fruit bowl instead. :-S

Light of the morning

(the picture above L-R: Jassen, Moi, and Guy Garvey from a band called Elbow. This was last year at V Festival/Chelmsford)

Oh, oy!

It is too early in the morning to be awake, but alas I am, so might as well get over the fact of being conscious.:-p

I was on the coldplay message board earlier(been posting over yonder since about August 2002, so I aint no spring chicken*ruffles feathers*) and was posting in a thread(topic) on who you have seen(CELEBRITY-WISE) in passing and people got on the different tangent of folks that they have met, so it lead me to think through my own experiences.

but yea... Ive walked right past Jay Kay(famous song Virtual Insanity, Canned Heat aka Napolean Dynamite Dance song) coming out of work late one day. He was on a mission and walking double time and avoiding contact as well as I stared, no shame.

I didnt personally meet her, more in passing, Ms. Paltrow, while i talked with Chris Martin from Coldplay, saw Guy Berryman and Jonny Buckland drunk as skunks heading on the tour bus.

Ive met the band Elbow(Guy Garvey=ace dude),

Matchbox twenty's guitarist Adam(on my 19th birthday/last day of high school/went to a concert, good bday),

Brian Chatton from an 80s band Boys dont cry(I wanna be a cowboy/sued Paula Cole for ripping off his song with her song Where have all the cowboys gone won around 80,000/my dad remaster one of his albums 10 years ago),

Walked right past Jamie Oliver near the London Eye,

Met the guitar/banjo player from Guster at the Garage before the concert,

lead singer from Papa Roach(he was sooo under the influence!),

a strange band called Smother,

guitar player for Clinic(incidentally trying to get tickets for sigur ros, he was offering tickets but would have to travel hours to get them for free, ended up keeping in contact, so when they are back in town, J and I have a free concert+drinks to look forward to)...there are others but not right off the top of my head..

oh, and Johnny Jackson(Michael Jackson's cousin and original drummer of jackson 5/ate 300$ worth of HD icecream while on tour with my dad in Japan) and smooth jackson(plays brass)....Gary is next door to my city, so yea...Ive had an interesting life, thus far celeb-wise.

I HAD a BBBBBBizarre dream as well but I will type that in a quick mo.

Thoughts before the morning

Do you ever wonder how long we linger between that of rest and being awake?? It is as though we hypnotize ourselves in order to break from the everyday flow of life, or own hidden sanctuary.

It is said, at least by the "experts", that dreams are like mail depots. This is where all the sorting and categorizing and understand takes place. There is so many ideas and things that we pick up while conscious, but it at night when we register and sort out all of the information that we've gathered, sometimes(at least in my case), gives us fcuked up dreams.

Take for instance, last night I dreamt of fat people, and when I say fat I mean massive like a ton(2,000 lbs), making out with one another. So, I moved on from where I was viewing this going on and skipped across a street. This is where I then found a sick Scottish terrier. He puked and I picked him up to take him home so that I could care for him to make it better. I was walking back to my house, cuz it was at that point as to which my hometown became the environment I was frolicking through, and to my surprise, the dog was able to walk on its own. So, as it did, I had the sneaky suspicion that it was talking with both my sister and I.

As we walked down on of the main roads of transport, it seemed as though the local YMCA turned into a loony farm. There was a clear shelter that was more upfront to the road, as compared to the YMCA in the background. In it, my first line of view saw the nurses and doctors all taking a break in the left corner of the complex, my eyes then followed from left to right to see a line of people, that have apparently lost at some point or another, all with placid looks as though they themselves did not exist and their shell of a life form was really a host for storing drugs.

It was soon after that I found my sister along with my self at the front door of my house. I walked in easily as I noticed that there was no longer a door on its hinges. The dog followed in but I wanted to make sure he was hidden so my folks wouldn't have a heartattack if they had seen him in the house. It was then when I realized that the dog did not want to cooperate, so I through him out the door, as it magically appeared out of nowhere. :-S

There is more to this dreamscape.

My dad then informed my sister and I that we were going to trek to the Antarctic and travel around on foot for 3 weeks. I think he was having a mid-life crisis in my dream!!

Round 2 *Bell sounds*

So, yeah....Here I am again. A bit bored with myself at the moment.

Currently: Listening to X & Y- Coldplay

It's a really good album, so i recommend.

I always find it weird to have an appreciate for music or a band and they really have no clue what the music means to you and never will. I guess in a way, that is a really special thing to have, but on the other side of the coin, you cant fully share that thought in the way you would like. Maybe somebody has the remedy for that. If so, email me,....please.