Good Morning People!!

*waves and blows kisses*

So, I had an interesting start of the morning. I had an awful realization dream and it made me wake up crying.

It was one of those dreams where you realize that time will be up for things in life and then you need to figure out another path to start walking on.

My dream consisted of me going back to the states, without Jassen and not having him there to hug or kiss whenever. The truth is, in October, I WILL be going back to the states without Jassen and will not have him there to hug or kiss whenever. So, the truth of the matter is there. It's a bit shocking and sucky when you start thinking along these lines, especially in dreams...it seems like your senses are heightened and a bit trapped in a thought youd rather not think about. It got to the point in my dream when i was just standing in front of an empty convienence store, just thinking and feeling like I was back overseas without my honey.:-( So much sadness and rush of emotions were flying everywhich way.

When I woke up, i was dwelling still in that thought, trying to come awake and free myself and the way i did it was with tears. I then turned to Jassen and said to him, 'I had a bad dream..." and then told him the same. I could tell that he knew right away I was upset, but it was good to get those thoughts off my chest.

See, the relationship with Jassen is really not so much based on an internet long distance. I came over here last June/July(as friends), we fell for one another, i came back in mid-august, he then came in October, and then i went on the BUNAC scheme in December, we both then came back to the states to visit family in May/June and Ive been living here since. I mean, there have been times apart, but its not really considered a long distance relationship when we are spending so much time together. At least, thats my definition of the whole ordeal.

Jassen's intent is to get a working visa in some form, so that eventually he can make his way over to the states. I am really not the biggest fan of London, probably cuz im more of a small town girl, so i feel like a small fish in these parts, but the learning experience of the people and places and Jassen has been worth the ride.

I question myself, as to whether or not I could see myself living here as a norm. I would say that I would have to have multiple homes or places that I could rest my feet, ex. House in UK, family house in US/Apartment, etc.

I think its a sense of freedom that i still have to have establish, if that makes sense.
The flexibility and the capability to be in places that i would like to be.
Not forgetting to mention, my goal to work on music and get myself out there.

So many things to balance in life. I guess thats the whole point. Maintaining balance and every once in a while, tipping the scales for fun.

More to come...