Good morning!

*Yawnz*

The time is now 722am.

I feel a bit more awake and refreshed as compared to the past few days. It's poo-ish when I dont get enough sleep and then the world becomes my enemy. *Growls*

I have decided to try a new thing and see how I feel over the next few weeks.
What it is...I am drinking more water, trying to refrain from so much caffeine and unnecessary sugars, taking apple cider vinegar tablets in the morning and around dinner time, eating more veggies and fruits, as well as stretching and meditation before sleep.

I was pretty good yesterday at doing this, so Ill try to keep it up and see if there is a change in my wellbeing/and/or attitude.

The reason why I am wanting to take on this little adventure, cuz I've come to the crossroads of the realization that I dwell too much in the negative, have a low self image of myself, and I want to make a choice or choices in my life that make my life a more positive one.

I have the tendency to sabotage relationships around me and honestly, that is not what I want to be about or known for. There is this weird feeling of fear that wells and swells inside, that from the inside out, it makes my skin feel on edge and almost sick like. It also feels like a weird case of being paralyzed, like I believe there to be some force inside, stopping me from growing as a person and learning more about myself and life, et cetera, and so on.

I really don't want to fear life because I have this weird sense of wanting to control things a little. When I was younger and even a bit today, I loved to organize and clean. This is all due to flushing out negativity that might have built up in the area, or for me to study and feel better about my environment, or to appease to my friends and family and get some kind of pat on the back for the accomplishment.

Its like bringing order to chaos, but I know, that that only lasts for so long, cuz chaos is the push, it's one of the biggest factors in life being the way it is.

How, i believe, will help me accept chaos more into my life, is by building myself up from the ground up. I feel floaty for the most part, kinda out there, and a bit ungrounded. Its not the nicest of feelings. So, in order to take on the world, I need to build faith into my bones, into myself. And I know this can be done, cuz I have been there once, and not so long ago.

I know I have it in me to be happy, cuz there really is no other way I should be. This is life. One time baby. Gotta make the best of it.