I'm so not confused...

that I'm confused.

[Picture this]

Do you ever wonder if it is really you that is the stick when shit is being stirred by you? How very shaman of me to say.

I think it has been one of those weeks that seem to fly by but you are still drowned in your own sense of boredom. I am just waiting for change to happen, happen to me, but realistically, it happens to me all the time.

You known when you throw a stone into, say...Lake Michigan, and the oscillations result? Well, we are the point of contact, the initial contact with that of the stone to water(vice versa), that then decides to spread out, oscillate its pattern outward, hoping to make a pimple in time and blossom...Which it does.

But too easily, do I forget that imprint...The initial contact, the difference that I make in my life and those around....It doesn't take much to make an imprint, but the question I pose is, how long will it last?

I guess since it happened, in accordance to time, then it lasts forever, cuz it happened, even when the sands of time run out, it exists, my actions exist, i exist. Ah, words of jensdom(jen's wisdom) but not that often do i believe what i say or think to believe, cuz often my mind plays tricks on me. What to believe. What is my truth? I guess it's what i make it to be cuz we are limited by time..or are we?

I am a walking contradiction...there was a new friend that I was speaking with about life and thinking too much, and what was said by this friend, that they really got to the point of dumbing themselves down to the thoughts that invaded their brain...and became a bit more naive to things around on purpose. Do i have to do the same trick?

Mostly,I always feel the need to prepare for things in my life and if i dont, its like im not in control(for the most part)...I do want to numb myself out, back to the depths of my youth...when i look to experience as something new...and not a lead weight sinking through a cest pool of the negative. (I was a very happy kid!)

I think Im just having a crappy day...thing will fair better at work, cuz I get to be constructive.