When I just want to give them a hug or a peck on the cheek...just a little squeeze letting the both of us know we are there for one another....a physical touch.
I get like this from time to time.
I love my mom's hugs...so comforting and warm, someone that I recognize with love.
And my dad, his hugs and arguments....those are a blessing, both of em.
And my sister's hugs and understanding ears...even though she steals my clothes like its her day job!
And the comfort of a friends company, Val.
Sadly, I am not one to have so many friends. I didnt really bring or nurture relationships from school so that they would be carried along with me, but I guess that it takes 2 to make any relationship to work. It doesnt work 1 sided really.
Another factor is me being 4,000 miles away.
I love being with Jassen, being near him, and I don't want to be in life without him, cuz he makes the world seem brighter, even at times I find myself in the dark.
Life is a balance....but what is life if it is in balanced for too long? Is that life, then? I dont think balance is the only way...its the imbalance that helps the balance...and vice versa...If something is too good for too long, something will come around to test it and test you.
Ive nearly been in the UK for 4 months.
Each time Im here for long boughts, it flies by faster and faster.
Is the reason behind this due to the fact I should be enjoying myself and being in the moment as much as possible?
I worry that I dont have enough time to enjoy.
And that's sad.
I really need to think myself out of that rut.
It does me no good.
I think too often, I say that time doesnt matter, but really it does.
And then I use time to measure my pleasure here.
When I passed the 3 month mark here, that's when I started to see my cup as half empty.
The internally struggling optpessimist!
Imagine a merry-go-round or one of those spinny things as a child, where you would run and push the round about, as fast as you could, then jump on in order to enjoy the ride.
You can look at your shoes or your legs or the center without feeling the slightest sick or dizzy, but once you look out and try to focus on what is too far off, you feel the sickness developing in the pit of your stomach and dizziness is the WORD!
*sighs*
Life is a merrygoround....pic your horse and enjoy the ride.
2 comments:
Good one jen. Very apt photo.
I've been away from family for nearly 4 months once, and i was a bit bothered about that as you are now. But once i'm back amidst them, i forget that i was sad without them and return to my normal taken-for-granted'ness. Maybe it's the same with others or i'm a wee bit wicked and detached.
haha...yea...the most Ive been away from my folks is around 5-6 months...
I do take for granted when Im with my folks, but its nice to detach and be wicked in order to appreciate.
:)
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