The need for sleep...

I stir...
I'm awake

Out of nerves?
Out of an uneven temperature?
Out of tiredness?

Maybe...

It's 2am, London time, and I find myself awake and somewhat alert. Probably a dosage of Coral Calcium would do the trick, but at the same time, I dont want to oversleep for 7am. You see, I look forward to waking up in the morning, readying myself, and then trekking out with Jassen before he is needed at work. Little adventures early on in the day are nice ways to begin, me thinks.

I was asked by someone, quite recently...what are your goals?

I stopped...and pondered....and pondered some more.....then the person asking the question pointed out in question, "Why are you taking so long to come up with anything?"....I then posed the same question internally.....there are plenty of things I want to accomplish, but how come nothing in particular comes to mind?

Hmmm.....confidence......
and....

belief in one's self.....

I've been quite lacking for a while now.

It takes a friend to point out that maybe something "is wrong with you"...and it takes someone who thinks the world of you and loves you beyond definition to make you actually "SEE, REALIZE, and WANT to change your current TUNE," that maybe, just maybe you are allowing everyday stresses and negativity get the better of you....

if this makes an iota of sense....:-p

I guess it's hard to look at one's self from an outsider's perspective, but maybe that's just one of the many beauties of being in a relationship or getting married. I've been really shitty.....for a long time coming......out of lack of confidence......out of a sense of loss of individual belief....I don't know why or how it happened along the way....but I have been downward spiralling for some time now...and like a whirlpool, or a tornado....or a suction, I had no regard for how that affects the people around me, strangers and loved ones alike......pulling them in.....due to my inability to handle my own stresses.

I guess I could say that I have always been like this....but then that would probably be a lie.....lying to myself.....

You see....I am one of those people.....that has the ability to affect people......some more on others.......but like I said, its hard to see at times...So, when I am negative....it's like the world is ending.....that I am my own personal blackhole.......but when I am positive...I am like the sun on a nice spring/summer day....and people bask in the glow, enjoying the warmth I produce...

Really, there is no point in being so negative all the time....life, as they say, is too short....we need to make the best out of a situation...put a little comedy into the batter....no need for sourness.....that comes around, knocking at your door, without even trying...

I hope everyone is well this evening...whether you are sleeping soundly or just starting or ending your day....

talk soon.
:-)