Alot has been happening here in the Payen household.
Jassen's Dad, Sam had been in the hospital last week from Sunday to Friday, for fluid in his lungs, high blood pressure, and noted issues with his kidneys. We only thought that it was one in his kidneys that was down to about 20-odd % but in reality, one of his kidneys turned sour.
Things were looking up and friday they let him out....on Monday of this week, he went back in....I had fixed him both breakfast and lunch that day in hopes that would help to put him on a more regular eating schedule(since he has diabetes and all)....but close to dinner time, he got dizzy and short of breath. Reuben and I called an ambulance. The hospital tried fitting him with a pacemaker and failed FOUR TIMES!! Lovely doctors here..:-/
Early the next morning(tuesday), he stopped breathing and they had to recesitate*sp him...they upped the drugs...noting how low his blood pressure was...It got as low as 27 sometimes and even to when it said 0 cuz it was that hard to read.
Later that morning, when Jassen and I came in with his mom, they took us into a room and said the chances of him surviving this didnt look good. A Mass of tears was shed in that little room(as attendants were coming in and out of it, little room for privacy.:-/ I felt so helpless....wanting to be there for Jassen(1st and foremost) and his family...
Later on, he was then transferred across to another building and it annoyed me a bit, the care of the medical staff there...with smiles on their faces as they raced across the lot to the other ward. I don't understand people sometimes.
They took a few hours to set him up get him comfortable...OH, and throughout this whole ordeal on tuesday, he was drugged to the max, so he really wasnt that conscious to any of this.....they then did a blood transfusion and then later decided to start dialysis(which sucks)...there is a small possibility that through dialysis, it might help to kick start the kidney(the one that was 20%+) into working on its own again, but only really to that amount.
At about 930ish last night, Jassen and I went into the Intensive care unit ward just to be with his dad. He has gotten so bloated, due to water retention and they tied his tongue as so he doesnt swallow it. I know he didnt want it to come to this. They have given him some sort of medicine that upped his heart rate to 85-86 but his blood pressure is in the 200s.
So, if you can, please have Sam in your thoughts and prayers as we are dealing with something quite serious here. I really wanted Sam to be there for Jassen and I's wedding....from the looks of that, it's not looking like a possibility...may be a bit selfish on my part....but I want him there.
*sighs*
On a more positive note....Jassen, my sweet fiancé boo, managed to nab pre-sale tickets for Travis(Scottish band) for the KOKO, in London next month, held it as a surprise but then gave in about a week of knowing and told me that we are going on the 20th. w00T!! I love my boyfriend.:-)
Ying and yang....
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
A day of introspection...
To the outside world,
I see you there
like a robin red-breast going about it's business
West winds pushing
gliding across land
forever in motion
in and out of time
with the rotation of the earth
I find myself in contemplation
negativity trying to mold me into something I am and I am not
wake up...
wake up...
WAKE UP to the ways of the world
I am not the weight of it on the turtle's back
I am light
I am fluid
as I too fly in and out of time
with the world.
I see you there
like a robin red-breast going about it's business
West winds pushing
gliding across land
forever in motion
in and out of time
with the rotation of the earth
I find myself in contemplation
negativity trying to mold me into something I am and I am not
wake up...
wake up...
WAKE UP to the ways of the world
I am not the weight of it on the turtle's back
I am light
I am fluid
as I too fly in and out of time
with the world.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Been a while...
since I've been on the blogging scene, but I will try to get back into the swing of it tomorrow. I do have a stew of pictures waiting to be cooked up on the good ol blogger, so I will address that!
One thing that I am beginning to realize is how much I love food, but also the fact that I have actually slowed down when eating in order to truly appreciate. Granted, there are some foods that I love to eat, or drinks I down in mere seconds, BU when I take the time to exercise my tastes buds(a bit of air on the palette), the food just tastes THAT much better
I love food.
One thing that I am beginning to realize is how much I love food, but also the fact that I have actually slowed down when eating in order to truly appreciate. Granted, there are some foods that I love to eat, or drinks I down in mere seconds, BU when I take the time to exercise my tastes buds(a bit of air on the palette), the food just tastes THAT much better
I love food.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
All or...
nothing.
I think I am one of those peeps...
and I don't like it.
Case and point:
Today is pancake day, here in the UK. Just as a reminder, it is Fat Tuesday in which everyone gourges themselves on food and then repent for their sins by giving up things like chocolate or meat for 47ish days until Easter. Kinda silly, but it's not a religion I subscribe to. And for those that practice it,...more power to ya.
Anywho, I was going to buy into the whole "let's make pancakes" deal since there is more than a boxful left from the bisquick I used to make chicken and dumplings for the Payen clan. I was going to wake up at 6(figuring that the latest would be 630 when Jassen got up). So, I'm somewhat coming out of sleep, I hear Jassen in the shower figuring that he got up a little early and then was going to wake me up. He walks in, shakes me a little, and I ask, 'What time is it?'. "7 o'clock." He replies.
I was disappointed, shocked, and annoyed that he had forgotten that I was wanting to make pancakes this morning, even though that was the very last thing we talked about last night.:-/ I turned over and covered my head with the pillow. Although there was still about 25-30 minutes left before he had to shoot off to work, I felt that the whole thing had been ruined. I had even woken up 4 in the morning, hoping that it was 6 am.
I guess the solution to this is to set my own alarm clock.
But my point is this.....I feel that I am an all or nothing kinda person, I don't care for it, and I wish that I was more open arms for the idea of things lying in the grey. I feel lately that I've been an angry Jen. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't have much to do, I am not working...I am being productive in some ways, but not in the ways that I feel satified, like really and truly feeling satisfaction in my work. I do things, get them done, but I don't feel any connection to it.
I did end up managing to get a buttload done(wedding-wise) on the US side...and now, this is the time to get invites and things needed to the reception on this side.
*sighs*
I want to see the grey...
that starts now.
I think I am one of those peeps...
and I don't like it.
Case and point:
Today is pancake day, here in the UK. Just as a reminder, it is Fat Tuesday in which everyone gourges themselves on food and then repent for their sins by giving up things like chocolate or meat for 47ish days until Easter. Kinda silly, but it's not a religion I subscribe to. And for those that practice it,...more power to ya.
Anywho, I was going to buy into the whole "let's make pancakes" deal since there is more than a boxful left from the bisquick I used to make chicken and dumplings for the Payen clan. I was going to wake up at 6(figuring that the latest would be 630 when Jassen got up). So, I'm somewhat coming out of sleep, I hear Jassen in the shower figuring that he got up a little early and then was going to wake me up. He walks in, shakes me a little, and I ask, 'What time is it?'. "7 o'clock." He replies.
I was disappointed, shocked, and annoyed that he had forgotten that I was wanting to make pancakes this morning, even though that was the very last thing we talked about last night.:-/ I turned over and covered my head with the pillow. Although there was still about 25-30 minutes left before he had to shoot off to work, I felt that the whole thing had been ruined. I had even woken up 4 in the morning, hoping that it was 6 am.
I guess the solution to this is to set my own alarm clock.
But my point is this.....I feel that I am an all or nothing kinda person, I don't care for it, and I wish that I was more open arms for the idea of things lying in the grey. I feel lately that I've been an angry Jen. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't have much to do, I am not working...I am being productive in some ways, but not in the ways that I feel satified, like really and truly feeling satisfaction in my work. I do things, get them done, but I don't feel any connection to it.
I did end up managing to get a buttload done(wedding-wise) on the US side...and now, this is the time to get invites and things needed to the reception on this side.
*sighs*
I want to see the grey...
that starts now.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
This was on...
one of my friend's myspaces....
Regardless if it is real or not....It makes my heart cry a little....it's sweet, those old bones.
Friday, February 16, 2007
I'm a bit paranoid...
I don't know about you, but every few months or six months or so, I print out my blog. At the moment, I have a big folder(about 2-3 inches thick)of a year's worth of blogs. So, once again, I am doing the same thing, printing out my blogs, have a hard copy of my writings, cuz it's always fun to flip and reflect from time to time thoughts I was having about certain things, here and there.
Outside my bedroom window about a week and a half ago!
Salty sunbeamed!
Pepper the Great!
Salt looking studdly and Pepper doing a streeeetch!
Outside my bedroom window about a week and a half ago!
Salty sunbeamed!
Pepper the Great!
Salt looking studdly and Pepper doing a streeeetch!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
So, for Valentine's day...
I ended up getting a lovely card in the mail from a secret admire!!
Of course, really it's no secret that it was Jassen, but I like to be overdramatic(Most of the time..:-p)
The plans were as followed:
Jassen come home from work, we bus into Wood Green, head to Pizza Hut(since we like to be romantic and hit up a fastfood joint each year), go to Hollywood Green Cinema, watch Music&Lyrics, eat sweet popcorn and drink slushies.
Now, this is what really ended up happening:
Jassen comes home from work, I moan about my feminine pangs and woahs, we stay in, surf the net a wee bit, order Pizza hut, pizza arrives 40-45 mins later, along with pepsi(Carol would be proud), taters with sour cream and chives, bbq chickens, and a super supreme pan pizza(still 4 slices left!), and watched 2 or 3 episodes of the first season of House, M.D. Good show by the way.
So, we will probably see the movie next week(Wednesday, since that is Orange Wednesday's 2-for-1)...I look forward to that!
I haven't been up to too much as of late, re-arranging the room, we picked up a sweet deal for a tv(6 years old 32" widescreen tv for £50...good condition so we can hook up the wii when we get it next tuesday). Jassen strained his back muscles a little in the lifting process, so good backrubs were given and I will probably continue to rub his back until he feels normal again.
Hope all is well with youz!!
x
Of course, really it's no secret that it was Jassen, but I like to be overdramatic(Most of the time..:-p)
The plans were as followed:
Jassen come home from work, we bus into Wood Green, head to Pizza Hut(since we like to be romantic and hit up a fastfood joint each year), go to Hollywood Green Cinema, watch Music&Lyrics, eat sweet popcorn and drink slushies.
Now, this is what really ended up happening:
Jassen comes home from work, I moan about my feminine pangs and woahs, we stay in, surf the net a wee bit, order Pizza hut, pizza arrives 40-45 mins later, along with pepsi(Carol would be proud), taters with sour cream and chives, bbq chickens, and a super supreme pan pizza(still 4 slices left!), and watched 2 or 3 episodes of the first season of House, M.D. Good show by the way.
So, we will probably see the movie next week(Wednesday, since that is Orange Wednesday's 2-for-1)...I look forward to that!
I haven't been up to too much as of late, re-arranging the room, we picked up a sweet deal for a tv(6 years old 32" widescreen tv for £50...good condition so we can hook up the wii when we get it next tuesday). Jassen strained his back muscles a little in the lifting process, so good backrubs were given and I will probably continue to rub his back until he feels normal again.
Hope all is well with youz!!
x
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
7 hours to go...
cold on the way out....
the butterflies are a bustin' and I am getting more excited with anticipation of arrival!
I will be landing in the UK 930 in the am....330am central time.
BRING IT ON!!
Jassen and I were discussing foods that we would like to have when I get hungry enough.
Well, McDonald's breakfasts are nice, but if its past time, then Im still a bit undecided on what would hit the spot. Ill have to wait until I get there and Im more in a deciding mood.:-p
Wish me safe travels all!
Im a bit semi-paranoid at the moment, so any positive thoughts to spare, I would wholy welcome them!
See you all on the other side of the pond!
X
the butterflies are a bustin' and I am getting more excited with anticipation of arrival!
I will be landing in the UK 930 in the am....330am central time.
BRING IT ON!!
Jassen and I were discussing foods that we would like to have when I get hungry enough.
Well, McDonald's breakfasts are nice, but if its past time, then Im still a bit undecided on what would hit the spot. Ill have to wait until I get there and Im more in a deciding mood.:-p
Wish me safe travels all!
Im a bit semi-paranoid at the moment, so any positive thoughts to spare, I would wholy welcome them!
See you all on the other side of the pond!
X
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
There are many...
things that I could be doing right now, but frankly, I don't feel up to any of it.
Reason being, I am battling, for the life of me, a cold.
It been kicking my a$$ real good over the past few days, to the extent that I woke up every hour between 11pm-7am, hearing people up in the house....I'm really overly sensitive than I already am on a daily basis, when I am sick. I called into work at 8am, Stephanie answered and I told her my deal. She then remarked that 2 other people had called off for today. I then said that if I am needed in any way, that I would make the attempt to work. She then said bold and clear that my sickiness is not wanted at work. I am glad for that, cuz soon after I got a bit worse, before slowly getting better.
I took some Claritin D yesterday at about 3pm and it was one of those "24-hour tablets". It did a good job(of drying me OUT) until about 1-130pm today in which I then realized the brightness of the sun, and started to tear-up like a busting dam. So, I got some airbourne tablets and proceeded to have one. I guess they are good about 1 every 3 hours, so I may or may not have another glass of that good lovin'! That, or I will O.D. on echinacea, ginger, zinc, vitamin C/rose hips......
At the moment, I am sipping slowly some HOT chai tea(tea-bag style), so its nice to inhale some of the gingery goodness that way too.
Out of all of this crap, I am determined NOT to be so sickly when I am on the plane tomorrow night. Granted, it IS an overnight flight and all(and I usually dont sleep well on those), I just don't want to deal with air pressure having a go at my snotty-faced/semi-plugged ears dealio. Maybe I will go sit in the chair a bit that has the back massager......to help loosen up toxins, etc.
Tomorrow, I need to check, check, and triple check that I have everything I am taking with me, this time, overseas...Things like passport, money, clothes, books, books, and MORE books. I think I overdid the book thing this past year.:-/ Since I am taking BA this time(not the biggest fan of the airline), luggage allowance[check-in] is 2 bags/suitcases, weighing in no more than 50 pounds each, a carry-on bag that I can lift up into the compartments above, and a purse/laptop bag. On the way back, it's all of those, minus the carry-on bag, so I will have to stow that in my other bags on the way back. I've never traveled with my mac before, I believe, since Jassen really owned this baby, until he got his new Macbook, so I will ask how that procedure goes, maybe by asking my dad or Jassen.
I am suppose to be hanging out with my friend Karen tonight before leaving tomorrow, but I am really not feeling up to it, so I should give her a call, to let her know.
*sighs*
nervously excitable!!!
need more sleep.
vitamins.
& hugs.
Reason being, I am battling, for the life of me, a cold.
It been kicking my a$$ real good over the past few days, to the extent that I woke up every hour between 11pm-7am, hearing people up in the house....I'm really overly sensitive than I already am on a daily basis, when I am sick. I called into work at 8am, Stephanie answered and I told her my deal. She then remarked that 2 other people had called off for today. I then said that if I am needed in any way, that I would make the attempt to work. She then said bold and clear that my sickiness is not wanted at work. I am glad for that, cuz soon after I got a bit worse, before slowly getting better.
I took some Claritin D yesterday at about 3pm and it was one of those "24-hour tablets". It did a good job(of drying me OUT) until about 1-130pm today in which I then realized the brightness of the sun, and started to tear-up like a busting dam. So, I got some airbourne tablets and proceeded to have one. I guess they are good about 1 every 3 hours, so I may or may not have another glass of that good lovin'! That, or I will O.D. on echinacea, ginger, zinc, vitamin C/rose hips......
At the moment, I am sipping slowly some HOT chai tea(tea-bag style), so its nice to inhale some of the gingery goodness that way too.
Out of all of this crap, I am determined NOT to be so sickly when I am on the plane tomorrow night. Granted, it IS an overnight flight and all(and I usually dont sleep well on those), I just don't want to deal with air pressure having a go at my snotty-faced/semi-plugged ears dealio. Maybe I will go sit in the chair a bit that has the back massager......to help loosen up toxins, etc.
Tomorrow, I need to check, check, and triple check that I have everything I am taking with me, this time, overseas...Things like passport, money, clothes, books, books, and MORE books. I think I overdid the book thing this past year.:-/ Since I am taking BA this time(not the biggest fan of the airline), luggage allowance[check-in] is 2 bags/suitcases, weighing in no more than 50 pounds each, a carry-on bag that I can lift up into the compartments above, and a purse/laptop bag. On the way back, it's all of those, minus the carry-on bag, so I will have to stow that in my other bags on the way back. I've never traveled with my mac before, I believe, since Jassen really owned this baby, until he got his new Macbook, so I will ask how that procedure goes, maybe by asking my dad or Jassen.
I am suppose to be hanging out with my friend Karen tonight before leaving tomorrow, but I am really not feeling up to it, so I should give her a call, to let her know.
*sighs*
nervously excitable!!!
need more sleep.
vitamins.
& hugs.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Ideas for wedding flowers..
I am really digging the concept of stargazer lilies along with other bits and pieces in the bouquet....I also am starting to think that maybe some sort of flower in my hair would be nice....but I don't want it to be OTT(over the top)!
Here is a picture of the stargazer, along with greens from lilac, and other bits.
I think the bridesmaids will also have the stargazer combo, but just on a smaller scale.:-p
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
I want to...
leave the country.
I am now anticipating my departure.
A little more than 5 days to go....
I am now anticipating my departure.
A little more than 5 days to go....
Here is...
a t-shirt I made a while ago. Val and I were making t-shirts, and then printed iron-ons out. This picture is from Val's flickr page
I was really digging Garden State at the time(saw it 6 times).
On the hunt...
for that dress!
When Sheila, Julianne, and I headed out, most bridal places were getting ready to close, which I think is stupid to close so early on a friday of all days!:-S We went to Oak Lawn and managed to get to one shop called Payless Bridal House. The people there were genuinely nice and we probably ended up finding the flowergirl dress in under 10 minutes!
Here is the dress in the store!
Here it is online....
It is a Forever Yours Brand and Julie insists that she pointed this one out before in a magazine. It is really pretty in person, although they only had one size to try on....So, she will get measured at a Bridal place more local to Sheila, and get the correct size ordered. It does the same thing in the back as it is in the front and there are buttons on the upper half, in the back. Uber cute and will look nice with her Irish Tiara! Mucho excited!!!
Here are a few pictures from last night. We ended up going to a chinese restaurant afterwards and both Julie and I got Sweet & Sour Chicken. The servings were HUGE, so I even had some for lunch today!:-p
Mmmm...the meal....I had tea as well!
Enjoying the grub!
Julie is SUCH a poser....err...Roser....err...hehe!
Here were our fortunes. Julianne was the top one, Sheila was the middle, and mine, the bottom!
When Sheila, Julianne, and I headed out, most bridal places were getting ready to close, which I think is stupid to close so early on a friday of all days!:-S We went to Oak Lawn and managed to get to one shop called Payless Bridal House. The people there were genuinely nice and we probably ended up finding the flowergirl dress in under 10 minutes!
Here is the dress in the store!
Here it is online....
It is a Forever Yours Brand and Julie insists that she pointed this one out before in a magazine. It is really pretty in person, although they only had one size to try on....So, she will get measured at a Bridal place more local to Sheila, and get the correct size ordered. It does the same thing in the back as it is in the front and there are buttons on the upper half, in the back. Uber cute and will look nice with her Irish Tiara! Mucho excited!!!
Here are a few pictures from last night. We ended up going to a chinese restaurant afterwards and both Julie and I got Sweet & Sour Chicken. The servings were HUGE, so I even had some for lunch today!:-p
Mmmm...the meal....I had tea as well!
Enjoying the grub!
Julie is SUCH a poser....err...Roser....err...hehe!
Here were our fortunes. Julianne was the top one, Sheila was the middle, and mine, the bottom!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Harry Potter 7....
The date has been set. *face of shock and anticipation*
I thought it was going to be for July 7, 2007(which also happens to be the wedding date set for Jassen et moi), but I was mistakened. It will be published on the 21st of July instead! Still it's uberly exciting and I look forward to reading it! On another note, my friend Lisa now has NO excuse not to attend my wedding(since she is a Harry Potter Obsessee)!
Lisa? I know you read my blog sometimes, so yes,....NO EXCUSES!!:-p
In other news, Daniel Radcliffe is acting on the London stage and apparently is nude in some of the scenes! I think it would be fun to see that play. HAHA! JK Although, I do have to say that London productions are WONDERFUL as I have seen, "A Life in the Theater", in which Patrick Stewart and Joshua Jackson played opposite each other. I was 5-7 feet a way from Patrick Stewart. That was definitely something I will always remember(as Im a bit of a TNG trekkie). Also, I was fortunate enough to see,"The Producers", the Mel Brooks show with Jassen, his mama, and lil Bro, and it was OUTSTANDING! I don't know if that particular show is still running, but it is highly suggested!
I thought it was going to be for July 7, 2007(which also happens to be the wedding date set for Jassen et moi), but I was mistakened. It will be published on the 21st of July instead! Still it's uberly exciting and I look forward to reading it! On another note, my friend Lisa now has NO excuse not to attend my wedding(since she is a Harry Potter Obsessee)!
Lisa? I know you read my blog sometimes, so yes,....NO EXCUSES!!:-p
In other news, Daniel Radcliffe is acting on the London stage and apparently is nude in some of the scenes! I think it would be fun to see that play. HAHA! JK Although, I do have to say that London productions are WONDERFUL as I have seen, "A Life in the Theater", in which Patrick Stewart and Joshua Jackson played opposite each other. I was 5-7 feet a way from Patrick Stewart. That was definitely something I will always remember(as Im a bit of a TNG trekkie). Also, I was fortunate enough to see,"The Producers", the Mel Brooks show with Jassen, his mama, and lil Bro, and it was OUTSTANDING! I don't know if that particular show is still running, but it is highly suggested!
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