Although,...

my time is consumed with working, traveling to work(which takes a nice 2+ hours out of my day, and cleaning up around the house(jobs such as general clean up, dishes, laundry, etc.), you think I would be able to enjoy time before a shift, or even a day off.

Of course, I do enjoy when I get 1 or 2 days in a row off just to chill and have less of a mindset on work, but when the end of the day rears it's face just to let me know of it's end, it's kinda depressing.

Maybe I will never come to totally understand time. Most occasions, it just seems foreign to me, the concept, the linear-ness of it all, how it just rolls...Sometimes you feel like there is no way out of it;trapped in the clutches of time. Other times, you don't know why time goes by so slow.

Is it just a matter of perspective? What life throws at you for a time? Or that maybe it effects us all in a similar way, all at once?
That's the strange thing with perspective. Is anyone ever truly looking at something or someone from the same angle, or if there are infinite amounts of one angle. Oy.:-/

Anywho, I am about 3 hours away from heading to work, but all I feel is uptight and anxious for the time just to appear, just so I can get the show on the road. I don't know why I put myself in such a perspective or feeling of unease. I enjoy work, so maybe it's just one of those things where I feel the need to be productive and put my mind into it, preparation and all!

Sometimes I feel like Im talking out of my arse. Hmmm.

I use to have some hobbies, or better yet, things I would obsess over. I use to listen to music allll day long, or obsess over the Beatles (for about 4 years straight and that waned somewhat over that time). I would draw when I felt like it, wrote or created songs, not obsessively but when it hit me in a way that I just HAD to.

Now, with working full time, the commute, having a house to keep in order, I really wonder how people do it, especially when kids get into the bigger picture. Don't get me wrong, I look very forward to my spawn reeking havoc---err, children existing to enjoy the fruits and vegetables of life, but it seems like ALOT of work(which Im sure I will understand, once I'm IN it).

So, looking from another perspective, which I have been in, when I wasn't working, and working on my hobbies, such as drawing and music, really it seemed like more of a chore or being at school, as I was teaching myself how to use programs to be creative, but it made me realize a bit....why hobbies are hobbies, not full time jobs.

So now, I really dont know what I would like to do with my life, career-wise. I mean, some people, like my dad, are born to be musicians, or electricians, or teachers, etc. but I don't know I have that certain spark to do just one thing for my whole life. I know it might sound non-committal of me, but I guess Im just the type of person that likes to try out different things, take that piece of the pie, then try something else. I guess I would just label myself as a career-flirt, or flirting with the idea of different jobs. *sighs*

But yes, I look in awe at people that can be happy in a job for 20-40 years of their lives. Maybe I will reach a similar plateau at some point. It would be nice, but I also like the idea of not being tied into something forever and that I am there on choice, and my own choice on top of that.

Okies...Im rambling.;-)

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