Edging ever...

closer to my birthday. I do have to say I am a big fan of birthdays and I am not too bothered about the big 3-0 b-day in 2011....35 or 40......or 45.....or 50, etc. I think it's just a blessing to get that far and that it's a bit silly to fret about birthdays themselves. Strange as it may seem, I kinda see it more as a celebration for the parents, my parents.

Now, with birthdays aside, I do have to say, even though I might be painting myself into a corner of contradiction, 'I do fear getting older'. I guess it's because I have no control, with the exception of keeping healthy and happy. Do I make sense?

I love birthdays and the celebration of the time, but I fear getting older...Hahaha.....Well, I'm a laugh a minute! I find myself thinking about death alot more than I probably should. I've been like this for quite sometime. Maybe it was the revelation that family die and pass on.

My first experience of death was my Grandpa Ard. This was when I was only 7 years old. I knew that I wouldn't see him again, alive; I understood that much, but it just seemed so foreign and awkward. Then the year after, my Grandma Ard went, then a few years later, my great-grandmother Evelyn, then my dad's mother, a cousin named Michael, and my Paternal Grandpa, Frank.

Family friends passed in different threads of this tapestry of life and death, a few school friends here and there, and even a few teachers, from cancer, old age, and even suicide.

I know this post might sound a little morbid, but I guess.......It's just matter of factly, Life.

There is a song by John Mayer called, "Stop this Train", about one wanting to get off the train of life, cuz it just seems to go so fast. When the writer/songwriter is confronted by a family member saying, "Don't stop this train", it's life, you will see it through,and once you get to my age, you will gain a different perspective."

I suppose that is what I am waiting for and wanting...a new perspective that is reserved for age/experience.

In that case, I'll wait awhile more then....