Listening to...

a perfect circle.

Ive actually seen them live, it was with an ex, his little bro and father. It was a bit strange, with the father being religious, and the ex not so much, or more or less confused with things, and listening to perfect circle...hmm

nm.

Ive been in such a negative stitch and I am to the point where I like being at work cuz it gives me an outlet to be positive, connect with people, and try not to think about how I lack motivation in most things, and that my bf is nearly 4,000miles away. I know and I realize that I am heading back, but days like these, it makes me feel like that day will never get here fast enough....the day when I double check to see I have everything I am taking with me, checking the weight of the bags, taking a bus to Ohare...waiting for a few hours to board the flight, flying over night to London, all the while trying to rest up so Im not so dead tired when I arrive and then seeing Jassen and his bright and smiling face.

I feel so unsettled...like I am constantly on the go, having to go through so many freakin transitions, and not having the ability to stay shorter some where and longer elsewhere.

I do feel stagnant with things...like even the goals that I try and set up to achieve, that after I achieve them, whats then next?? Whats the point to things? That sort of negative point of view....a view that I have grown accustom with seeing from,...I want to shake it....it leaves me feeling scared to live....scared to appreciate what I have in front of me, the special moments, and the wonderful people in my life...

maybe im just experiencing seasonal depression or something....need my sun...really i do.