I am...

more than what you think

I am more than what you know

I am more than I what I think of me
I know that my mind, it constantly grows...

indifferent to the logic
of this life that's in front of me

often
unknown

I am of the future
coming back down(from heights so high) to meet me

meeting in the middle
it can be trialing at times
life balances we are always after
but more than often its out of rhyme

poet of this universe
i am
i love
i need
pessimistic of outcomes
but its the positives i really want to reap

*big sighs*

I really am fond...

of this quote I found someone using as a signature on this Uk-Us messageboard i frequent.

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? LOVE is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything you risk even more. "-Erica Jong

Makes me feel nice inside.:-)
Trying times at the moment, so this quote makes all the sense in the world to me.

Day 21 of no coffee/pop.....it is tempting to have though...:-/
but its more tempting to continue avoiding it, cuz the weight is coming off....seriously.;-)

Tonight: I think I might go trick or treating. I am wondering if I should run out to Walmart or somewhere and purchase me some fairy wings and go as a fairy, cuz its something that I havent been before. Maybe in a few hours. Trick or treating times are 530-730 and Nicole is accompanying me. :-)

Obsessed...

over my kits.

Seriously....cats are sexy(in a non-bestiality way of course!)

I just weighed...

myself after a good kid dropping at the proverbial pool,:-p and I weigh...


164.4!

The weight is just melting off now!
*sighs*

9.4 pounds away from my end of year goal....
and 24.4pounds away from wedding day goal....

it's TOTALLY possible!
Im thinking positive.

:-)

And now,...

I'd like to update about my goals.

You remember how I took on drinking no coffee or pop(started this on October 11th). Well, I am on day.....18 of this and I can't believe I've held out this long! It's been difficult cuz I do love coffee, but Ive replaced it with tea and chai tea instead. I think that my body can feel the difference too. I mean, with the coffee, I was dependent on the high that it gave to make me feel good. That high would only last so long and then I would feel so in energy once again. Without the coffee or pop, I have more of my natural energies and those seem to last a heck of a lot longer than that of caffeine. It's kinda refreshing.

November 10th, which will mark day 30 of my anti-coffee/pop campaign, I think I might celebrate it by one cup of coffee....then, I will once again, try for a month no coffee. The benefits so far outweigh the negatives so far and hopefully I will see even more results. My weight is a main issue with me that I want to tackle, especially before I get married to Jassen.

I know..I know...Most brides to be lose tons of weight before the big day and then AFTER they are hitched gain it alllll back and then some! Well, this isnt going to be the case for me. At least Im hoping so!:-S hehe But yea, since ive taken coffee out of the equation, I have lost nearly 3 pounds and find myself at 166.0.:-) It's the lightest Ive been in about 8 months-to a year or so.
My goal is by January 1st, 2007, to find myself at 155. It's possible. I mean, its 11 pounds away, Ive lost 3 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. If I keep this up(there are 63 days left til the end of the year), there are 9 weeks left of the year....that means if I maintain my status of losing weight, then it's entirely probable.:-) Plus, it's getting into Christmas season at work, so things are picking up and getting busier...so, that means a LOT more running around the bookstore for Jen.:-p

Oh, and I got my wedding dress picked out on Thursday.:-)

Maybe I should...

do a little writing...
My mind is in a bit of a funk, but I know it will pass.
*sighs*

traveling beyond the outstretches of forever
daybreak teases me
as it sits on the horizon

this body
it isnt a done deal
but this soul is

on a mission
maybe to nowhere in particular
but someday the future will kiss the now
and things will unfold

so temporary things may seem
life is more than a dream
and any illusions that I create
is reality and a part of my fate.

my writings as scattered as so are my thoughts
focus is something i crave
i feel the need to center, to readjust....

I'll write more later.:-p

Do you ever get...

Strike a pose, yo!


that paranoid feeling?
The one that is so hard to shake and it plagues your innermost thoughts?

Yea...it was weird last night as I was trying to nod off to la-la land. I was in the dark, door shut and locked, but then i felt the need to get up and make sure it was locked. As I was laying there, the house creaked at the smaaaallest thing. I imagined the house everslightly shifting, kinda like what skyscrapers are meant to do.

One thing that was a bit odd, me thinks, was the fact that WHEN i did get up to check the lock, I saw this head. It was clear, felt masculine, and was looking over me, about 2.5 feet off the ground. Now, when I was younger, I had the strange habit of watching figures in the dark form in front of me. Kinda like the darkness was the palette to my imagination; where I would have more sight into my head and visualize. It was fun. I would imagine horses dashing across the ceilings at night and people dancing, etc. I am guessing this was just another one of those phenomena...or maybe my own phantom.:-/

My baby kitty...

Pepper.

I think I will attempt more of these. I know that the more i practice at it, Ill become more patient(this i need to work on!)

Ideas!Ideas!Ideas!

So many different ideas, but I am wanting to incorporate a small theme of Japanese into the picture(for the wedding), not only cuz its mysterious and elegant at the same time, but Jassen looooves things involving Japan. Recently, Ive been playing Japanese DS games Ouendan! and its lovely, so I can see the attraction of the culture.;-)

But I was thinking for Thank you cards, to invest in blank cards and envelopes and purchase these lovely foil stickers for the cards. :-)



Also, for decorations at the reception, I was looking into possibly getting some japanese-ish laterns for the outskirts of the hall. It would definitely be pretty, IMO.;-)





I'm a fan of the white, since white is purity and enlightenment, but the coloured ones are playful as well. Im just thinking about the colours that might be the main theme for the wedding(white and purple and pink) and that would be the balloon colours on the table, so we shall see how colourful this wedding might get!

OH! And just to let you know, the latern things are like 3.5" big.;-)

MMmm..chai tea!!

Drinking some chai tea and getting things charged up. It's funny, the routine that I have with my phone, ipod, puter, camera, etc.

It's like, I plug in my computer and with the usb ports, i plug my ipod and phone to charge. I love how useful my puter is.:-p

I am planning on meeting up with a friend that I randomly bumped into at a theater about a month or so ago, and so, thats what im up to today, after which I will probably be getting ready for work. My little 5 day vaca after the 8 straight days of working, it went faaaast! I only work 4 days this week, so I hope that I have more hours coming to me soon. USE ME BARNES, USE ME! I like money...and people too.:-p

Have a wonderful day, guys!

Yes, I am...

a nerd.

Check it out!

timeanddate.com

But I did a calculator thingie to see how long Jassen and I have been officially dating, and this is what I came up with:

From and including: Monday, June 21, 2004
To and including: Sunday, October 22, 2006

It is 854 days from the start date to the end date, end date included

Or 2 years, 4 months, 2 days including the end date

Alternative time units:
854 days can be converted to one of these units:
73,785,600 seconds
1,229,760 minutes
20,496 hours
122 weeks

When we get married, we will have been dating for:

From and including: Monday, June 21, 2004
To and including: Saturday, July 7, 2007

It is 1112 days from the start date to the end date, end date included

Or 3 years, 17 days including the end date

Alternative time units
1112 days can be converted to one of these units:
96,076,800 seconds
1,601,280 minutes
26,688 hours
158 weeks (rounded down)

Maybe this stat can be used in our vows.:-p;-)

So precise!hehe

Inspired by Val's Bloggie...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 349 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

It didn't give me the option to plug in my middle name, but Im pretty certain that not so many have that.;-)

Save the date!!

Yup, folks. I am working on my Save the date cards for the wedding.

I've made two tonight and would like the opinions and comments of my fellow blogger/blogreaders.

Thanks in Advance!;-)

I also went dress looking again, just to get some more ideas for my dress and what I am wanting, and yet again, I found another dress that is wonderful. *sighs* My mom suggests that I look at least at one other place for dresses and then I decide, but really I don't want to be bothered with TOO many options. But this one that I tried on today...I think I like it better than the other one that I liked alot at first, so either tomorrow if any of the shops are open or next week, that will be the decision day as to when I will be getting/ordering my dress.*squeels!!*

People and Seasons

"Write about the seasons of your place, about snow, about the routine people follow in extreme conditions as such. It would be fascinating to read."-Vishwa

I love the change in seasons. Although, I may not like the harshness of the cold or the unbearable heat at times, it's just part of the total package of living in such an area.

Spring happens around the end of March and early April. It transitions like that of a lion and lamb on the dancefloor. The old saying goes, "In like a Lion, and out like a lamb", and usually it is just that. The winds are pretty intense in March but near the tail end of it, its quiet as a lamb and the rains come. May, June, and July can go either one of two ways, or both! It can be awful rainy or it can drought a bit. July is pretty dry as that is the first full month of summer(June 21st or so is the beginning of summer), but July can be fairly dry as well as August. When September approaches, leaves start to dry out a little but still mostly its green all-around.

The transitions of the seasons happens once more in October time, the eternal struggle to hold on to the summer or some warmth of it, but its no use as winter wants to happen after fall, so fall is pushed into it. Fall stays for a little while, the leaves really dry out, the winds pick up and cause the leaves to separate from its mother limbs.

Right now, this is the season we find ourselves in and in fact, Jassen was and now Ive been almost religiously been taking pictures of a tree that is across the street, watching the change in colour. I will gather those together either today or tomorrow as to show the process it has gone through thus far. THe colours are a deep red and orange and now it is thinning at the top. This is prime time for apple cider of the hot variety as well as SImon and garfunkel blasting on the radio.

WInter will be here shortly...I feel it in my arms and legs and it will probably be a cold one. November time will get colder for longer and this will last until february/march sometime. Winter can be a bit depressive, but sometimes youll get the occasional sun to peek through the clouds and melt some of the snow into little puddles. That happens more so in March and then Spring slowly makes its way onto the scene to continue the cycle.

I love Spring, Fall, Winter, and Summer(in that order).

Most homes in the US have air conditioning unlike that of people in the UK, but I do believe in the next coming years that will change as the weather has been a bit more dramatic over the years(At least, since Ive been there). When ever there is a thunderstorm of the grand variety, my whole family likes to watch either outside before its too close or from the living room. THe lightning storms can be quite the treat and very similar to that of a fireworks show. The thunder can be a bit scary as well and I know when it stormed hardcore the last time with Jassen here, he was a bit freaked out by the severity of it all. I love it!

When it snows, people suck on the roads and loads of accidents will occur. Ive on the occassion been stuck in snow banks that have built up in my very own driveway(where we park our cars) and had to call a tow truck to haul my ass out of it. Also, schools get cancelled if the weather is too bad or if there is too much snow and ice on the roads that make it impossible for the buses to travel on. Winter can be a scary time to drive, but also its beautiful to see the white waves of snow on your front lawn as they glisten in the sun. They kinda look like captured stars that have fallen from the sky but in small form.

Weather is weather and alot of people around here believe that weather and such control their moods and attitudes. Say if its been overcast for a week, people can get a bit grumpy because of the lack of sun, but sooner or later the sun will makes its way and people will start to feel a bit better about things. But yea....sometimes the weather affects me, or I can feel the pressure changes from different fronts and stuff passing, but i think thats pretty normal.

But yea....if you have any other queries...throw em my way!!;-)

Not up to much...

at the moment.

Just chilling in front of the puter with a lovely glass of pulpy orange juice.

I was reminded again how lucky American's got it. If you have never step outside of your countries door, to see the life that is outside it, really you should. It makes you realize just how convenient life is in the average american life. Personally, it's like biting into a pie, expecting it to be made of yummy fruits, but in reality, all you get is a mouthful of sugar.:-S

I crave the UK. Even the negativity of it. At least it's something going on, exciting in its underlying positive ways, the hustle and bustle of people, observing and making up stories of their lives, as one sits on a double-decker bus, even if you are waaaaay off the mark.

I miss being in the comfort of Jassen's presence. Even if we get angry at one another, at least we are co-existing, co-habitating in the same place, unlike how things are at the moment. It throws me off a bit. I mean, it's hard, not being around a loved one that you are use to and love like nothing other.

I am on day 10, I believe, of nooo coffee and pop and I do feel a bit lighter. Although the pounds arent dropping off that fast, I feel a better sense of well-being, less nervous and jumpy, and a bit more grounded. If I prove to lose more weight over the next few weeks, I think I will only treat myself to coffee every so often, but try not to make it something that I need and crave.

Daylight Saving Time will change next year in US!

2006 April 2 October 29
2007 March 11 November 4

It's a study and was approved by the Bush Administration. I think it's a bit suspicious.:-/

Well...

I decided to head out to the park and take some pictures in order to come up with some more ideas on the wedding.

Here are some pics of the area.

Frickin'...

Freck!

So, I called the Park Department, and they DONT offer chairs, they say the gazebo is meant for 75 PEOPLE and Im probably going to have twice the amount there. *SIGHS*

They suggested another gazebo downtown, but thats a piece of poo and too much traffic goes along the road outside it. So, I am going to ask them about renting some park space and then setting up a tent that way. There are loads of trees around so that might be pretty. I am suppose to get a call back around 12 about tent issues, etc...and then Ill ask them my other questions. I DONT want a church wedding...I am not religious and Id rather be in nature's yard than housed in like that. *sighs* Another thing that sucks is the fact that I only have one caterer I can go through with the reception site I am going through. There are so many stipulations. Gawd!!!!! I hope to get some things done this weekend though.:-/

Day 8...

(Strange Clouds over Merrillville/Hobart. I believe after this picture, it stormed hardcore!)




of no COFFEE or POP!

I do crave me coffee, but Im staying strong.*sighs*

I think I might start to drink more green tea, cuz I know that aids in weight loss and is healthy for you. I think I even had a dream last night about someone going through my suitcase thinking that my bottle of green tea tablets were drugs. It was the strangest thing!:-S So yea....those are my goals.

As for the pilates, I've done them at least twice this week, which really isnt enough, so tomorrow, which will be my first day off in 8 days, I will start then religiously in the mornings to do my pilates. I was good for a few months, doing pilates at least 4-5 times a week, and then I came back to the states and tried to get readjusted and time helped in this excuse for me to not workout as much. But yea, pilates(my renewed religion) will begin tomorrow.

Personally, I do feel a bit lighter although the scale doesnt seem to totally agree with me on that. Something tells me that weight will drop off soon, like in bulk, cuz it does have the tendency to do that. Alright, even about my mental weight issue.

I think today, I will be heading over to the Park Department, where Jassen and I will be having our wedding in its gazebo and ask a few questions about it, such as how electricity is run(like for speakers), if chairs are provided, if tents are okay to set up to aid in any rainy weather, so guests are not rained on, costs hourly and any downpayments. Also, I think this week, I want to accomplish more on the wedding to-do list, like check around for other dresses por moi. I really liked the one that I have on reserve, but if i find anyone better than that(and cheaper, which would be nice), I would go with that.

Here are some things I would like to accomplish before the wedding date:

1. Do some sorta engagement portrait to mark the occasion
(With this, I think I will have my mom take some pictures and I will photoshop them up)
2.Wedding Dress
(I think really this is in the bag, cuz the dress I tried on, it felt really nice)
3.Bride accessories and makeup
(This is like a necklace, garter(1 to wear and the other to toss), and shoes) and for makeup, I might find a local place to do a trial run on how I would like my makeup done. Nothing too overdramatic or caked on or expensive.
4. Rehearsal Dinner Outfit
(For this one, I will probably go to my favourite clothing store Maurices and pick up something under $50)
5.Bride's going-away attire
(I'm not too sure if I would bother too much with this one, being as the reception would go until 12, and then it would just be a matter of Jassen and I traditionally staying at a hotel)
6.Doctor,Dentist, Blood Tests, and travel plans
(Well, I guess I have to get some sort of record from the doctor of shots and things and I'll be sure to head over to the dentist for my annual, but really thats it!)
7. Legal Fees
(This would be like the marriage licence, so I believe it will be about 20 for that, but may be as high as 80, I will try to find out this week)
8. Beauty Services
-massage(CHERIE)
-facial
-manicure/pedicure
-hairdresser(CINDY)
-makeup artist(some place local)
9. Groom's Attire and Additional Wardrobe
(I think tuxedos might be purchased on the other side of the pond, considering that everyone except the ring bearer in from there)
10.Wedding RIngs
(Jassen and I have started this process and found ones that are quite nice. We are still on the lookout and will do some more shopping around in December but its good to see some options)
11. Fiancee's gifts
(It's tradition to get something for one another and I'm thinking we should limit ourselves to something about $100)
12. Attendant's gifts
(I believe these are the things that would be on the table at the reception. Ive gotten some ideas from people so we shall see)
13.Gift's and ties for groomsmen
(This is taken care of by Jassen)
14.Printing
(INcludes: Invitations, announcements, programs, envelopes, and postage for it. I am creating part of the invitation, if not all of it, need to get stock paper and loads of ink, as well as envelopes and postage. Also I am creating the programs for the ceremony, so this should be alot cheaper than going through someone)

***Bachelor and Bachelorette Party's the weekend before might consist of a trip to Chicago and Clubbing***

**Bridal Shower will be provided by my Maid of Honour, my sister Nicole, and will most probably take place in May 2007**


15.Guest Accomodations
(My dad is the one in charge of this, but we need numbers from Jassen's side to accomodate!)
16. Transportation to and from ceremony
(Probably rent a limo, also for pictures and getting to the reception. Afterwards, maybe just have my parents drive us)
17. Official's Fee
(I have no idea how much this might be. Im hoping no more than $80-100)
18. Wedding Site Fee
(I will be figuring this out, but it shouldnt be more than $60)
19.Rentals for Ceremony
(Might need a tent, and we need to get some sort of walk carpet for the aisle)
20.Ring Pillow, UNity Candle
(I will probably be ebaying it up!)
21. Music for Ceremony
(Probably use my dads speakers and hook it up in the inside of the gazebo that way)
22. Flowers for ceremony as well as reception
23. Rehearsal Dinner
(Jim Dandy's would be dandy and Jassen's family would pay for this)
24. Video and Photographer
(Still on the look out for these!)
25. Lighting
26. Reception Fee
(Have the fee paid for)
27. Music
28. Caterers
(Have no choice but to go through 1)
29. Beverages
(Will consist of pop, coffee, tea, water, champagne on tables for toast, and 2 hour alcohol bar and the rest cash)
30. Any Rentals for reception
31. Favours and candies on tables
32. Toasting glasses, cake knife, guestbook
33. cake
34. groom's cake
35. wedding night accomodations
(Away from people, thanks)
36. Next day brunch
(At my parent's house, which will consist of bagels, donuts, coffee, tea, juices, and fruits)



Really, when broken down, its not toooo much of a to-do list, but it does feel a bit overwhelming

After the wedding, and the weekend, Jassen and I will head off to my spousal visa appointment in Chicago and apply for my visa there. Hoping that it moves swimmingly***THINKING POSITIVE***, we will then head back to the UK, most probably later that week back to the UK, and finish up plans for the UK reception.:-)

Happy 400th post!!!!

Yup....Been here since July of 2005 and 400 posts, I do indeed have.;-)

In other news, Holy Sh*t!! I turned off the Bears Vs. Cardinals game with 6 minutes to go. I thought they were toast. This morning, my mom came into my room and asked if I was awake and I said, 'Not reaaallly.." And she told me that the Bears came back and won. I shot up out of bed and said, 'WHAT!?" I was in shock, man. they came back with 2 touchdowns in 6 minutes. Way to manage the clock!:-) So, now the Bears are still undefeated for the season and I believe are quoted to be the best team in the NFL at the moment. Talk about 1985 flashbacks!;-)

Alright...my oatmeal and tea are staring at me...so i must attend to em.:-p

x

I think...

I am going abit picture overboard, but sincerely, alot of pics were taken during Jassen's 2.5 week stay.
The pic of my sister at the bottom, I would suggest you click on it to see it closer up. It was a nice action shot. The apple is about 2 feet above her as she tried to throw it at me(from where I stood).

Today, Jassen booked his next trip to the states and awesomely enough, he asked the head honcho at his work, if he would be able to get an extra day, due to prices being significantly cheaper on the 14th of December. The Head Honcho gave him the okay and now, I have an extra day with my baby over the Christmas holiday. Mucho exciting. I also requested my holiday time, the first 4 days of his visited, Christmas eve(Christmas day we are closed) and New Years eve, etc. Im sure I will have more days off, but I am also well aware that the Christmas season will be a busy one at work, so Ill probably be working on average about 30 hours a week(here's hoping)

Im excited about tomorrow, because my new glasses are in and Ill be able to finally pick them up. Ive been awfully busy at work that I havent had the time to. I will probably head over to Wal*mart as well and restock on my makeup. I love the fact that usually, my coverup(foundation) lasts me anywhere between 3-6months and blush is like forever(=a year)...eyeliner, not so much.

I am watching the Bears vs. Cardinals game and it looks like the Bears might not win their first game of the season...I hope they find a way to pull around, cuz they are doing so fantabulous this year.

Picture Montage!!

Bring it!

These are pics of Jassen, with his new video 30gb ipod, , also along with my sister at Jim Dandy's and Jassen as we watched a waited for a train to pass, which took a looong time, and it got to the point that we had to walk around the tracks, and then me posing.

Tiny bubbles...

everywhere.

These were pics on the 23rd of September at my friend Allison's wedding.

As Per Request...

Here are a few pics from a Jim Dandy's Hamburgers and Shake Restaurant...


Top is my mom and dad and then the second one is my dad and sis.

Here are some more...

piccies.

Here is Jassen and I walking around my neighbourhood.
Such a pretty sunset that was.

:-)

Day 5...

no coffee...

I think Im losing a little weight....slowly....

I think Ill make a tea soon.

Day 5 of work in a row...

Not until later, so that's nice, but also I open tomorrow as well.:-S

That's all for now.

It's cold out.

A note to Vishwa...

I am unable to comment on your blog due to upgrading blogger and it wont let me comment on those that have yet to do this. So, yes I am reading but I cant comment.:-/

In other news, I am eating a yummy egg, cheese sandwich along with tea(w/milk) and noooo sugar.
Mmmm.....food.

Going to work in an hour.
That's all.

Ta peeps!

yo-ness!

OOOoooo00000ooo....

It's Friday the 13th!

Oooo....yea.

Had a really strange dream, somewhat lucid. I was dancing in a nice dress with two little girls. It was sweet and my dress was uber flowy!

Another part I was running down this woman that tried to run over my feet with her ice cream van. The Licence plate was something like 696......and I forgot the rest.

Anywho, ran her down to Autozone kinda in slow motion....All of a sudden, I turned into a guy, me thinks and I was shooting this man that kept on swigging down some coffee as he passed by the counter of this place I walked into. So, I got the gun, do to putting fat or grease on my hands and went into another room, trying to hide between this window thing.:-S

Someone else who was on my side got shot at, but then came back to life to help me. The shooting ended and there was a truce I was unaware of. All of a sudden, these two girls come out of the wood works and Im in a dress and we are dancing out of a room. The next room we dance into is my dad's old studio with the big mirror set up like it use to be. We checked our reflections somewhat and thats where the dream ended.

There was also another part in which Pepper was mock-dancing with me. That was pretty cool. Also there was yet another part in which I was looking at my self from the outside. I looked kinda young and I had waist length hair and glasses. I think I might have been outside of Burger King. I was with my sister. My parents were somewhere as well as we looked over some videos of things. Strange days.

But yea...

HAPPY FRIDAY the 13th EVERYONE!!;-)

Mmm...water.

A really nice lookin apple from the orchard, held by the one and only Jassen.;-p



Motivation is a funny creature.
I feel that for years, Ive been lacking somewhat in that department.

I am not saying that I don't have my moments, when there is adrenaline pumping and I accomplish things left and right.
I am just saying its been a while since motivation was really my middle name.

Maybe I am naturally lazy, a procrastibator. I want to change that about me. Maybe not entirely. I mean, I don't want to be a work-aholic, but something close and in balance with my life and how it is.

Jassen suggested that we should try to be a bit more hobby-centric, that is have more hobbies in our lives and not dwelling so much in negative(which i do like its a job and if i got paid for it, i would be soooo rich)

So, my challenges for the week are this:

No coffee for a week(on day 2 so far)
8 cups of water a day(on day 2 so far)
little sweets and candies
no pop, soda
more juices
watch what i eat
sleep 7+ hours a night
and try to incorporate pilates/stretching into my daily routine(starting tomorrow)

I am working 8 days in a row at Barnes(on day 2 today), so I will be pretty busy over the next week(working just about 50 hours in 8 day span of time). I am a bit depressed with Jassen not being here, but I am trying to be a positive as I can on my own accord. I should just respect the fact that Jassen makes me happy and that I can independently be happy on my own knowing this fact, but its a little bit hard.:-S I have my moments and bouts of confidence but those are hard to hold on to, which i attempt.

Alright. I am in need to straighten up my room a little and charge a few things up(ipod, puter, phonez, etc). And Im off!

And so, I post...

since it's what i do.

Here I am, having been home just about 20 minutes, I relax in front of my mactop, sprawled out on my bed. Oh, I know Im spoiled, but I revel in it(if that is an appropriate word for the context in which I am trying to get across).

I feel bloated and overly caffeinated, too much for my own good and well being, but I feel the come down of it and now the tiredness sets in.

I am determined to keep myself preoccupied and busy unlike other times being apart from Jassen. I dont like it when i dwell and dwell and then dwell some more. Im better than that! Since coming back on the bus from Ohare Airport to drop off Jassen, Ive charged up my phone, ipod, ds, camera battery, and the likes as well as put all pictures amassed from over the past 2.5 weeks. There was in total about 300 pictures or so.

I then went to sleep, woke up around 3ish in the morning and then managed to go back to sleep about 4-5 hours or so. I then randomly woke up and come to find out, Jassen had just only been online for about 5 minutes, so good timing all around. I chatted with him throughout the day, organizing things, cleaning up the kitchen(dishes really), being informative to the phone fixer dude....then Karen came over, since Nicole and I were heading out to Pepe's Mexican restaurant to have some food later on.

We headed out, chilled, had a drink or two and then headed over to Karen's where I was inspired to help her clean up her room. We ended up taking somewhere along the lines of about,6+ hours to dust, vacuum, organize and make more feng shui friendly environment. I think we ended up accomplishing that, but now, her computer doesnt want to work properly, so thats a bit of a big bitch.

It was nice to hang out with Karen as well as make her living space a bit more breathable...yay for me!
But yea...i think Im starting to feel the effects of the mexican food now as well as the tiredness even more so.
I am going to be quite the busy little beaver, as I will be working 5 straight days, starting tomorrow.

I look forward to keeping myself busy, while making some money for the future, and loans, etc. and Im continually battling this weird sense of depression that is wanting to invade my every thought. Like I said, Im stronger than that, so I will try my best to stay in a positive frame of mind.*sighs*

Upclose and Personal

It is 534 in the morning...

and here I sit.

I feel like my brain is on delay somewhat.
I mean, I know that Jassen has left back for the UK, Ive seen the declarations of his landing back to his native land, it says 1005am or 1030am his time, while....here I sit, looking at the clock, as it ticks onto 536am my time.

I know he is no longer visiting, but I feel his jet clouds, his remanents sparkle clearly in my brain, but I feel a loss, like maybe losing an arm, or a major artery, something.

I don't think my brain wants to comprehend the truth, written in nearly 5,000 miles, the lack of body heat produced from one another, the lack of physical touch, a cuddle, a caress, a kiss that is ever longing.

Our love is one unending (sometimes syncopated) kiss, in and out of time, creating its own rhyme.

I miss him, but will realize this even more later.
My brain is on delay in a major way.

(at Jim Dandy's Diner)

Yep..

Im still around!
:-p

Been working and hanging with Jassen.
Have piccies and I will be sure to post soon!

Goodnight!

xxx